I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Holy shit dude........stairs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
