I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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