this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
These tits shall not be calmed
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