its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
