You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
