Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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