Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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