Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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