I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
