oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
