we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
