Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Still dying that you shit outside
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
