I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
