I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
