If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
