dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
