Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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