Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
