They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
