So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
