Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
