i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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