Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
