I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
