Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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