i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
