My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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