Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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