he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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