Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
