You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
