I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
