Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
