I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
