just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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