i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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