Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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