I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
