you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize