Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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