threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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