I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important