"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said