Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex