fuck your aforementioned shoe
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.