I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
