Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
