Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
