this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
