Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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