and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
