Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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