highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
