I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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