yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
