Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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