I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
