Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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