Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
