so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
