I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
