I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They have beer where we have blood.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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