Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
