Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
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It's just like the Real World with babies
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.