One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.