found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.