i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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